Mackenzie Norman

I was told when I started college that I was about to meet the people I was going to be friends with for the rest of my life. And I wholeheartedly believed it. I was certain that I would meet my hallmates and we would be instant friends. I would walk down to the dining hall for breakfast one morning, talk to the girl behind me and we would be instant friends. I would walk into my first class, sit next to someone I’d never seen before in my life, and we’d be instant friends…and so on. And not only that, but all these people from across campus that I met and instantly befriended, those would be the people I was going to be friends with for the rest of my life. It sounds ridiculous now that I write it, but that was my honest underlying expectation. I walked in ready to know the whole campus from day one until forever. 

As you might have guessed, this did not happen. And I was surprised and more than a little disappointed when it didn’t. Because for whatever reason, I believed that if friendship wasn’t instantaneous, at the very least it was one of those things you just knew. Like you meet someone for the first time and somewhere deep in your soul there is a part of you that acknowledges that this person is going to be part of your life for a while. And you both know that. And so you both internally, on a soul-level, agree to be life-long friends from the moment you meet. But realistically? Moments like that rarely happen, if ever. 

So if friendship wasn’t instant, and friendship wasn’t an ambiguous soul-feeling, how did things turn out in real life? The truth is, making friends in college can sometimes seem random. You both end up in the same Environmental Science class hunting for frogs and the experience bonds you. The people on your hall invite you to Steak n’ Shake at 2 in the morning and you never forget that meal. You didn’t reach out to those people specifically or ask to be in their lives, but you were there at the right place and the right time and suddenly, you befriended someone you didn’t know you needed. 

However, there are two super important things you should know about “random friends.”

1.  “Random friends” are never random. If we genuinely believe that God is in control and nothing happens by chance, then we also have to believe that God intentionally intersected your life with theirs. There is a bigger purpose behind every meeting, every relationship-building event. Remembering that each person is in your life for a reason is crucial in learning how to make the most of every opportunity you have. No one shows up by accident. Get in the habit of praying for the people you meet and asking how He would use you to reach them- even if they are a believer already. 
2. God gives us the meetings, He puts us in the right place to encounter the right people, but friendship isn’t instantaneous. Sure, maybe your mutual love of coffee provides some instant chemistry, but real, deep friendship takes time. Anyone who would argue otherwise is either lying or ignorant. We must learn to be intentional in order to gain the  true, ride-or-die, thick-and-thin kind of friends. Be that kind of friend for others. Show up, listen, go out for more coffee, host a game night, take spontaneous road trips, avoid homework together (I don’t advise this one, though it will most certainly occur). When they share hard things, don’t run. Be willing to let your guard down and show them your imperfection. Because truthfully, your pretend perfection isn’t relatable. Your mistakes, your struggles, the times you screwed up everything and had no clue how to fix it- those are the things that connect with others. 

In the next quarter, we’ll talk more about discernment when it comes to friends. Because not every person you meet is someone that God would have you deeply, intentionally invest in. And going out of your way to have 20 deep friends will leave you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally drained- especially if they are what I like to call “vampires.” 

Here’s the point: God puts people in your path, but doesn’t expect you to move forward without His wisdom. He knows the heart of people, knows why you’re there and what they need. Trust Him to care for people through you. And while some friendships may take your initiative to begin, some will just come to you. Be patient, don’t expect depth overnight, but believe that God will provide you the right people at exactly the right time.