Mackenzie Norman

Your hands get cold and clammy. A lump starts to rise in your throat and your heart pounds so fast you swear everyone around you can hear it thumping, thumping, thumping. Everything gets a little blurry around the edges, all the voices start to fade into a distant buzz. You swallow hard, and take a deep breath.

You’re by yourself in a huge room and you don’t know anyone. At this point, if you could find a nice, quiet, uninhabited corner you might be fine…but also your dorm bed seems like a really good option. A little voice in the back of your mind says something like, “You need to talk to someone. Meet people! Everyone is going to think you’re weird if you just stand there.” But that little voice is soon overwhelmed by a swarm of thoughts that (among other things) frantically urge you to lick your teeth to make sure the pizza you ate for dinner hasn’t sabotaged your smile with a giant piece of Italian seasoning, as well as pat down your frizzy hair and double-check your outfit to make sure you don’t look ridiculous.

And while you’re still going through your normal “preparing for human interaction” routine, you hear the voice of some bubbly extrovert beside you say “Hey! I’m sfnskgsdjfpo (you were too busy trying to CALM DOWN to hear what they actually said). What’s your name?”

And then…wonder of all wonders, you forget your own name. Like, who does that? Literally the name you’ve been stuck with and written on every paper for, what? 18 years? Yeah, totally gone. It now seems like the perfect time to make a dramatic exit. Maybe fainting? Too attention-getting. Fake phone call? Overused. Bathroom emergency? Too hard to explain. In a fraction of a second, it dawns on you that your best option is, heaven-forbid, actually talking.

I wanted to title this section “How to Talk to People” but decided against it. Because while this is about talking to people, it’s about a lot more than that. It’s about insecurity, pride, fear, and the importance of relationships.

Confession time: I’m not an introvert. But sometimes, talking to people scares the living daylights out of me. Sometimes I wish that talking to anyone at any time without fear of what they might think was a skill that came naturally to me. Unfortunately, it doesn’t. I can say that I’ve improved over time, but even now I’m not perfect. There are still times I put so much weight on wanting people to like me that I shy away from total honesty, or I avoid saying anything at all out of the fear of saying the wrong thing.

Sure, we can chalk it up to fear. We could say I’m insecure and need to get out of my shell, or I’m dishonest and prideful and need to be genuine. We could say everyone does that from time to time and pretend it’s not a huge deal. But truthfully? My insecurity, my pride, my fear, and even my apathy about my condition are symptoms of a deeper issue. They aren’t the problems in and of themselves.

Here’s the crux of the problem: we use “introversion” (or any other personality trait for that matter) as an excuse for disobedience because we don’t have the right perspective on God. And when we aren’t seeing God the right way, we are unable to view people the right way.

We are relational beings, designed to connect and to connect intentionally. How do we know this? While science certainly proves it, the fact that we were created in the image of a God who is three in one, interconnected at His core, is the best evidence we have. But we aren’t only created to know things about other people, just like we aren’t only created to know things about God. We are designed to love. To love God first and then others. While knowing might increase our love, knowledge is not love. Love is separate. Love comes first.

And John would tell us in 1 John 4:19 that “…we love because He first loved us.”

The more we understand how much God loves us, the more we are inspired to show the same measure of love to others. My best advice for learning how to talk to people? Learn how to love them. Learn how to love them more than yourself. As Paul writes in Philippians 2, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others as greater than yourself.”

But keep in mind, loving others is impossible if we don’t understand how greatly we are loved. That’s why Paul goes on to talk about how Jesus embodied the humility we ought to show in our interactions with others. Because Jesus loved us first, we know not only what it means to love, but also how to love.

One way we show others that we love them is to push aside our fears, our insecurities, our pride and our apathy, and talk to them. Get to know them. Remember the things they say and be present when they need it. Sometimes, just lending a listening ear is the most loving thing you can do. Don’t force yourself to be someone you aren’t, but be courageous enough to connect with others, even when it scares you. You never know what God might do in your life or in theirs. And keep in mind, we walk in the power of the Spirit. It’s never about mustering up enough determination or trying really hard to be good. It’s about trusting God to give us all we need to be obedient to Him in everything. It’s about relying on His strength.

Most of the time, people won’t remember how awkward you were, because awkwardness eventually fades. But people will remember if you were the first person to talk to them when they didn’t know anyone. If you sat next to them when no one else would. If you listened to them when they just needed to know someone cared. Because love lasts, and people remember love.